The Perfect Man

I tend to make jokes about things. I like shedding light and finding humor in real matters. One thing I get annoyed with is seeing grown women everywhere talk about their “Perfect Man” check list and posting photo quotes on facebook that seem to have this non-sense in it:

• Calls you beautiful instead of hot.
• Calls you back when you hang up on him.
• Who will lay under the stars and listen to your heartbeat.
• Kisses your forehead.
• Thinks you’re pretty without makeup on.
• Constantly reminds you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you.
• Wealthy.
• Have a great body.
• Blah, Blah, Blah…

Really?! Seriously?! Sure being called beautiful is flattering but an occasional ‘hot’ reminds you that maybe sex crosses their mind. The more he wants you, the less likely he is wanting someone else. Why they hell do you want someone to call you back if you hung up on them is beyond me. Isn’t that the point of hanging up? Just a thought. Laying under the stars is cool but that should be a date, not a character requirement. No guy wants to lay under the stars every night. Listening to your heartbeat would require them to be in the less dominant position, that a woman normally lays in. Pshh. He is still a guy, ladies! All of us want a man to remind us of how much he cares and how lucky he is, but if you have ever actually dated someone who constantly does that, you will be laughing as I was reading that. I think I even snorted a bit. Yes, it is a catch 22 guys. We want to know you care. But if you over do it because you read some quote that girl’s dig that, you will be thrown into the nice-guys-finish-last category. The only reason that quote came about is from some neglected girl who wanted a man slave. Oh yeah, I said it! A MAN SLAVE. Sounds hot right? Wait, you must have meant beautiful… Wealthy, come on ladies. It is 2012. Must we depend on men to make bank for us? No. I wouldn’t pass up a guy who was rich just because he is rich. But I won’t ever let that dictate whether or not I truly like a person. Although, if a guy flaunts his money at me intentionally thinking it will get him somewhere, I will turn around right then and take my tail home. Is this really what women want? Is this what we call a perfect man.

I almost always have a purpose or ulterior motive when I post stuff on Facebook. I decide to post about looking for a partner. Partly being funny and mostly looking to see the reactions from people. Of course my normal clan of friends throw in some inside jokes and dirty birdie comments. I get my wits from my mother. I don’t skip a beat on those. No one said anything about my requirements outside of being humorous. So besides getting a good laugh, that experiment failed. It wasn’t well planned out anyhow.

What does make the perfect man? Is it all the qualities that comes in those quote photos floating around everywhere or is it the requirements I listed? If you asked me when I was 18, I would have said the same as every girl does now being unrealistic. If you ask me now, I say none of the above. Every guy is different just as every lady is different. I couldn’t place the same requirements/restrictions on one guy as I would another. Think about this. Your celebrity crush sticks his hands down his pants to scratch himself all the time. It is ok because you think he is all that and a bag of potato chips. However, your ex-boyfriend who did the exact same thing is disgusting. Why is that? One man’s quirks is another man’s flaw? It is so. This could be bias in general because he is an ex.

I just don’t get the dating scene these days. Sure I don’t want a guy who watches football all day long, while yelling at me in the kitchen to make a sandwich, let’s not forget the constant farting. But I have come to terms with the fact that a man is still a man. So we make compromises. I personally like watching football, but you can bet if he farts on me all day, he will be obligated to an occasional chick flick. That’s fair, right? Women no longer want men, they want a three dimensional mirror. I know, I lived that idea once. This is what I think the perfect man is all about and it happens to a book long novel:

H, you didn’t put anything though.
Nope I sure didn’t. When I say perfect, it doesn’t mean perfection in my eyes. It means it fits me and him at that time. I don’t require perfection.